As a seasoned cruise traveler of course I followed the Savvy Guide's advice on how to avoid getting sea sick.

But on my last cruise a, um, "friend" (who shall remain nameless) did not. Thanks to "her" I can share the following sure-fire techniques for getting sick to your stomach:

1. Don't sleep enough. If possible, take an extremely early-morning flight or red eye, then do not catch up on sleep. Your first night aboard, stay out late partying, then get up very early. Remember, make the most of every minute - even if it means feeling bad!

2. Drink. A lot. Alcohol, especially if you are not used to it, will help destabilize even the strongest stomach. Choose strong drinks with lots of sugar. Not only does this make it easy to drink more than you think, the sugar upsets your stomach in its own right.

3. Bacon for breakfast. Nothing helps a hangover like bacon! Unfortunately it's not the best for settling an uneasy stomach. It is tasty, though.

4. Early morning Pilates. With a belly full of bacon and a head full of hurt, rush up to an early morning class. Turn yourself upside down. Roll on the floor. Feel the ship roll under you. Repeat five times on each side.

5. Be stubborn. Don't take any preventatives. A scopolamine patch, acupressure wrist bands, Dramamine tablets: any of those, taken before one starts feeling sick, would have stopped ill feelings before they started. So be sure to avoid doing anything so sensible.

"My friend" carefully followed these five steps. Combined with an itinerary sailing out of New York in February, with its big Atlantic waves, she was rewarded with an afternoon of queasiness and a light lunch of pickled ginger and green apples.

Serves me her right.